I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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