Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
