Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My liver just had a heart attack.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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