You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
