Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
is that a dick in a sweater?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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