I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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