it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
