My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
