So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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