he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
