I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
