It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
