did you get engaged???
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
