That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
