Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
