And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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