In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
