Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The beer is more important than you right now.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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