It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
