I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
