she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
