I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
