Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
