I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
