i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just google imaged poop.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
