She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
