Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
