hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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