Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just pynch a tree in the face
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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