The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
