Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
