Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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