I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
