if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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