dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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