tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
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I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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