I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
