Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
