Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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