uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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