If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
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sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
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I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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