I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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