i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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