We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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