sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
