if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
