I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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