He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
