we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
