I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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