all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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