His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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