How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
