I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
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Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize