planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
