dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
