so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
