I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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