Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
