So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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