the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
