he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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