Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
