i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
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Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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