All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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