I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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