There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
