my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize