How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I deserve to be covered in dicks
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
