I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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