I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
