WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
