BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize