So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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