my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
