i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
