Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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