I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
sick fucks of a feather flock together
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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