My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
