Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize