I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
