i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
