Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
